If the birds in my garden were the spirits of the dead

You, blue tit, in your blue hat, were that guy who worked on the log flume at Camelot Theme Park. When I took cash on the gates I was envious of how you worked yourself up from the Go-Karts, Sir Lancelot’s Chargers, Pendragon’s Plunge. Neither of us were knights but both of us dreamed of drowning under water and I was sad to hear of how you went down and didn’t surface again with splashes in your face to the flash of cameras.

You, sparrow, were that woman with the orange lipstick and fluffy cream and brown coat selling yourself near New Hall Lane at 4am as I walked past in my fishnets and army boots avoiding the cars that might ask if I was on the job. I saw you get in and kind of guessed you might not get out again. I walked on, and on, and on, guiltily glad I had not your desperation.

You, blackbird, were the wannabe magician who worked in the gaming store.  You found out about how John Dee and Edward Kelley attempted to raise the dead at St Leonard’s Church in Walton-le-Dale but had no interest in necromancy nor summoning angels. It seems demons were your thing, smoky mirrors, circles of salt, vanishing. I met you in the Zoo Cafe smelling of sulphur and looking vaguely lost on that night you vanished forever.

You, nuthatch, were the bricklayer who boxed at Penwortham Boxing Club. I’d never have picked a fight with you even on that equinox at the mixed martial arts day when I was told I had a mean right hook. You, big guy, now in your eyeliner with your big torso and determined legs, could not accept yourself. Was that why the cancer crept in that took all your strength?

You, magpie, I cannnot determine who you are. A black-and-white trickster. I accept your mask as I accept the masks of all who ride on the floats in the procession at Penwortham Gala and I accept the harshness of your mocking call.

*All personages in this prose poem are fictitious but have a loose basis in my memories.

Apples

For Epona

The blood moon:
an apple in a goddess’ eye
drops and I think of the windfall
crisp autumn mornings when we released
the horses slipping from their halters
twisting away in leaps and bucks
with piquant glint-eyed excitement
to the trees where they’d drop their heads
whuffle up the crispy moons of green and red.

Some days before we turned them out
we whispered to them “apples”
and they knew exactly what we meant…

The blood moon has passed.
The horses are staying out late this year.
Yet the sun has gone down on my stable-yard:
baling freshly-cut hay, stacking barns
with hard-shouldered labour,
stuffing stretching nets
for hungry mouths.

As I cut the meadow and gather orchard fruits
I reminisce about the rural life that didn’t last.

When the horses are tied behind bar and bolt
tugging at hay with meadow-sweet muzzles
I will feed them apple-moons
from my open palm.

*This poem was written after watching September’s lunar eclipse from Greencroft Valley, where we planted apple trees two years ago, and is based on my experience of working with horses. I read it for Epona at a ritual in Glasgow led by Potia at the beginning of October.