‘Though you may get that, there is something you will not get. Twrch Trwyth will not be hunted until Gwyn ap Nudd is found – God has put the spirit of the demons of Annwfn in him, lest the world be destroyed. He will not be spared from there.’
~ Culhwch ac Olwen

I.
I have completed the impossible tasks. 

I have found You and Your water-horse and Mabon and His dark white-maned steed and every one of Your hounds and every single one of their leashes.

I have ridden down Twrch Trwyth ‘Chief of Boars’ and feasted upon him.

I have found all the giants who Arthur killed but I have not found their beards or the pieces of flesh he cut from them – Ysbaddaden’s ears, his cheeks are gone.

I have found all the treasures and returned them to You – their rightful owner.

I have returned the last drop of Orddu’s blood to Pennant Gofid. 

As for Culwhch and Olwen I have seen they did not live happily ever after. 

Finally I killed Arthur – see his blood beneath my fingertips as I type these words?

II.
Your next task feels more impossible. 

You tell me to ‘build the Monastery of Annwn’.

How? Why? When you mocked at Saint Collen,
taunted him with visions of Your fairy feast.

You tell me “a nun is not a saint.”

III.
I think of how Collen derided You and Your people and how I have danced with inspired ones – wild men, mad women, witches, on the brink of the Abyss.

How I danced towards death – too many pills, too much drink, not enough sleep, not knowing if this would be the night, not caring, hoping we would be united.

I wonder, if You’ve got devils within You, I’m allowed to have devils within me too?

You tell me I must “embrace paradox” and “be a servant of mystery”. 

IV.
You show me a vision of a tapestry detailing all three hundred
of the knights in Arthur’s retinue woven by a monk
in a distant abbey, You amongst them,
my unpicking of the weave

and following of the threads to where we know each other
best in the spiralling madness of the Abyss
where You, God of the Dead,
have known death.

V.
You tell me nothing is impossible 
and I know nothing is impossible except You.

Thus I will strive to fulfil my impossible task for You.

*A poem based on the difficulties of building a monastery that does not fit with recognised religions and that is dedicated to Deities who are ‘other’ / ‘otherworldly’ in relation to practical necessities such as having our own bank account to fund our forum, website and potential Zoom channel.