Awareness – Three Guidelines from Gwyn

July 5, 2025Leave a comment

Over the past year I have been practicing meditations in the yogic tradition that develop awareness such as antar mouna ‘inner silence’ and ‘spaciousness.’ This has led from the development of my personal practice of being present for my patron, God, Gwyn, to be being aware that I am present.

Whilst reflecting on this He gave me three guidelines for awareness –

Be present and aware in both Thisworld and Annwn.
Be aware of Me without and within (I am everywhere).
Spend time in solitude and silence so we can meet in awareness.

Having an awareness practice is very helpful for me as an autistic person who struggles with sensory and emotional overload and tends to disassociate and get lost in thoughts. It helps me stay present and grounded in Thisworld and focused when journeying in the Otherworld.

Being aware of Gwyn in each moment makes awareness a devotional act. Any moment, no matter what’s happening, can be transfigured by the knowledge that He is with me, inspiring me and guiding me.

The hardest guideline to follow is withdrawing from the busyness of everyday life and quieting my mind enough to find inner silence and meet with Gwyn awareness to awareness but when this happens it works deep magic.

“Meet Me in the place between thoughts,” is a guiding thread running through these guidelines that has helped me, as a nun of Annwn and Bride of Gwyn, to rendezvous with my Beloved in any place and time.

The Breath of Nine Maidens and the Kindling of the Cauldrons

June 28, 2025Leave a comment

‘My first utterance was spoken concerning the cauldron
kindled by the breath of nine maidens.
The cauldron of the Head of Annwn, what is its disposition
(with its) a dark trim, and pearls?
It does not boil the food of a coward, it has not been destined to do so.’
~ ‘The Spoils of Annwn’

In ‘The Spoils of Annwn’, a medieval Welsh poem from The Book of Taliesin, we find mysterious lines about the breath of nine maidens kindling the cauldron of the Head of Annwn. The cauldron, the source of awen, ‘poetic inspiration’, is a central symbol within Celtic mythology.

In ‘The Story of Taliesin’ the cauldron belongs to Ceridwen. In this tale Ceridwen is referred to as a witch but it’s my intuition She is a Goddess whose crochan – cauldron / womb is a sacred vessel of rebirth (1). In Her cauldron she brews a potion from 365 herbs (one picked on each day of the year) to provide her ugly son, Afagddu ‘Utter Darkness’ with the ‘Prophetic Spirit’. She assigns a blind man called Morda to bring kindling for the cauldron and to stir the cauldron she summons a boy called Gwion. After a year and a day Gwion shoves Afagddu out of the way and steals the awen. After a shapeshifting chase he is swallowed by Ceridwen (he as a grain and She as a black hen) then reborn from her womb as Taliesin.

In ‘The Spoils of Annwn’ the model is slightly different. The cauldron of Ceridwen, the magical vessel associated with inspiration and rebirth, is in the custodianship of the Head of Annwn – the ruler of the Brythonic Otherworld. Here there is no need for kindling or a person to stir the cauldron as the breath of the nine maidens is enough to set the processes within it into motion. The ‘food’ ‘not for a coward’ that it brews no doubt refers to the awen. Taliesin accompanies Arthur and his men not only to steal the awen, but the cauldron itself, bringing it back through ‘Hell’s Gate’ to the world.

This shows that when a potential awenydd, ‘person inspired’, proves their courage to the Head of Annwn, the breath of the nine maidens or awenau, ‘muses’ (2), kindles the cauldron, then the awen is received as a gift from the Gods.

This feels like an older and deeper model for the origins of awen. The significance of the breath of the nine maidens can be further elucidated by looking at the etymology. The medieval Welsh term used for breath is anadyl and this derives from the proto-Celtic anatla which shares a resemblance with anaman the proto-Celtic word for ‘soul’. The Indo-European *uel is closely related giving us the root form of awel ‘breeze’ and awen ‘inspiration’. There seems to be something fundamental this myth is telling us about how, in Annwn, on the soul-level, the breath of the nine maidens kindles the cauldron and sets in motion the processes within the cauldron that create the awen.

It’s my personal intuition that the cauldron / womb of Ceridwen, who I know as Old Mother Universe, is a macrocosm of the universe. That it lies in Annwn ‘Very Deep’ shows the Otherworld is a deeper reality underlying the universe.

On a microcosmic level each awenydd might too be seen as a cauldron which is kindled by the breath of the nine maidens producing awen for poetic works. The breath itself might be seen as a gift from the awenau.

Microcosm within microcosm a number of Celtic Pagans have come to relate the three cauldrons in the seventh century Irish text ‘The Cauldron of Poesy’ to the three main energy centres or chakras in our belly, heart and head (3). Interestingly the Irish term coire ‘cauldron’ or ‘whirlpool’ might be seen to relate to the spiralling manifestation of the universe and the turning of the chakras.

In yogic meditation the breath is used to awaken the chakras. I was once dubious about the existence of ‘Celtic Chakras’ but I am now coming to perceive the resonsances between these shared Indo-European traditions. I wonder whether anatla ‘breath’ is the Celtic equivalent of the yogic prana ‘breath’ or ‘life force’ which Celtic Pagans have long been searching for (4).

(1)These insights derive from Kristoffer Hughes’ From the Cauldron Born.
(2)This term is borrowed from Greg Hill who uses it in his poem ‘The Muses’ in his poetry collection The Birds of Rhiannon – ‘O Muses / O Awenau / You whose breath kindled the cauldron of awen in Ceridwen’s keeping.’
(3) For example see Erynn Rowan Laurie’s ‘The Cauldron of Poesy’ – https://www.obsidianmagazine.com/Pages/cauldronpoesy.html
(4) Some druids have in the past mistakenly identified prana with nwyfre ‘sky, firmament’ which Mhara Starling explains is erroneous on her Youtube channel – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkc4iRymvz4t619FEk5dFfA/videos Interestingly the proto-Celtic anatla ‘breath’and anaman ‘soul’ share similarities with the Sanksrit atman which is sometimes translated as ‘soul’ but refers to the Self or witness-consciousness beyond phenomena and ananda which refers to bliss at escaping the cycle of mortality or uniting with a God.

The Crown Chakra

May 23, 2025Leave a comment

The source I be
of space and time.
No words for me
except this rhyme.

The Brow Chakra

May 21, 2025May 15, 20251 Comment

I know this chakra far too well –
it’s a monkey wrestling with an owl.
Only when the chatter ends
can I access deeper wisdom.

When I’ve been exploring the issues I’m experiencing in all the other chakras they have led me up, through the nervous system, to my brain where I believe many of my problems with disregulation stem from.

The brow chakra is associated with the mind, both its thinking and intuitive capacities and is viewed in the yogic tradition as the command centre.

I’ve done a lot of research into the brain and thought, at first, my troubles stem from my hypothalamus, which is the control station for so many of our bodily functions such as sleep, hormone regulation, autonomic nervous system.

Yet, when I did some journeywork around this I got told by my hyopthalamus that it’s only doing it’s job based on signals from other brain parts. Through a combination of journeys and research I discovered that I’ve got an enlarged overactive amygdala, our inner alarm bell, whose constant ringing keeps telling my hypothalamus to put me into a sympathetic ‘fight or flight’ state. My anterior cingulate cortex, which is responsible for attention, emotional awareness, self control and behavioural adaptability, is underdeveloped.

I’m also subject to getting to stuck in the ‘worry loop’ (a tract of neurons running in a circle from the pre-frontal cortex to the striatus to the thalamus and back linking to the limbic system (which includes the amygdala). For me this manifests as worrying constantly about financial security and being unable to cope if I cannot make a living from my vocation. These thoughts keep my amygdala sounding the alarm bell and result in adrenaline and cortisol constantly coursing through my body, which has led to my overactive inflammation response causing conditions such as rosacea, eczema, tendinopathy and IBS along with Raynaud’s and secondary amenorrhea.

It’s only over the past few years I have discovered meditation, breathwork and polyvagal practices as ways of activating my parasympathetic nervous system, strengthening my anterior cingulate cortex and shrinking my amygdala.

At the brow chakra we find the monkey mind and its constant chatter which keeps ever distracted and ever over-stimulated. Yet we also find the pineal gland and the third eye which are associated with intuition and second sight. There’s less science to explain the latter. I’ve found that when the monkey is quiet, when I meditate, when I journey, I can access depths of wisdom that are not available to the thinking mind and bring it back for others.

Location: Brow / Colour: Indigo / System: Brain / Endocrine: Pituitary and pineal / Sense: Sight / Faculty: Mind / Realm: Thought / Faculties: Thinking and intuition / Animals: Monkey and Owl

The Throat Chakra

May 19, 2025May 15, 2025Leave a comment

A dove flies free
across a clear blue sky.
I have the right to stay silent
and from Annwn sound my cry.

The throat chakra is associated with the voice and communication. It’s been an interesting one for me to work with as somebody who was once a performing poet with a really big gob but who has recently begun to appreciate far more spending time in solitude and silence.

I had my first Reiki session a few months ago and the practitioner aptly spotted my overactive solar plexus chakra and told me that I had a blockage between it and my throat chakra. Intriguingly during the treatment I found a lot of saliva in my mouth which related to her work to clear the blockage. When we chatted about it afterwards she intuited that the block might be to do with me being unable to say positive things about myself. I realised this was true – I’m able to speak about my fears and limitations but not my assets.

She suggested trying positive affirmations. I had a go at these. I could just about manage, “I am strong,” as I’ve worked so much on my physical and mental strength. However, “I am kind,” “I am patient,” did not ring true as I was still being snappy with my dad. “I am becoming kinder,” “I am becoming more patient,” felt more realistic. Unfortunately this work has recently gone out of the window due to recent stresses but I intend to return to it.

It also connected with purification and with the breath. I’ve found that breathwork is one of the best things for helping me to regulate nervous system.

In The Miracle of Mindfulness Thich Nhat Hanh says: ‘Our breath is the bridge from our body to our mind, the element which reconciles our body and mind and which makes possible one-ness of body and mind. Breath is aligned to both body and mind and it alone is the tool which can bring them both together, illuminating both and bringing both peace and calm.’

It’s interesting that, as I’ve been working with this chakra, a number of negative thought and behaviour patterns have arisen to be purified. These have been based around financial insecurity causing me to go against my commitment to my spiritual vocation and inner nature as a monastic who needs solitude and routine by signing up for a secular counselling course and by forcing myself into running and attending groups on evenings and weekends. Neither of these things worked out and I needed to withdraw.

In relation to purification I found out the origin of the word ascesis. It comes from theGreek askēsis ‘training’, from askein ‘to exercise’ and was associated with athletics. I had associated it only with self-denial in its extreme and punitive forms and had not thought of myself as an ascetic. Yet for me as someone for whom exercising regularly (strength training and yoga), eating healthy foods and not engaging with social media is important the term has begun to resonate with me and I now associate it with this chakra.

Metabolism, digestion, heart rate, hormones and sleep are regulated by the thyroid gland so I see why the throat chakra is related to ascetic processes.

At first when the white dove appeared as the symbol I was surprised. I thought, ‘I’ve never even seen a white dove.’ Then I Googled white doves and found out they are specially bred birds of the species Columba livia domestica – rock doves or rock pigeons. The very same as the feral pigeons who visit my back garden to feed on the seed and live under the railway bridge.

Intriguingly, a few months back, in a dream a bird appeared that looked like a pigeon but which I intuited was a dove (both are in the Columbidae family). I was told it had come from my supervisor, Jayne, ‘to end the conflict between A and B.’ A number of conflicts within and without have come to an end (and Jayne has helped with this) in the period I have been working with this chakra.

Location: throat / Colour: Blue / System: Pulmonary / Nerve Plexus: Cervical / Faculty: Speech / Realm: Social / Element: Ether / Qualities: Communication and purification / Animal: Dove

The Return of the Hooded Man

May 14, 2025Leave a comment

Oh Hooded Man, my old friend,
what have you come to say?
In solitude and silence cloaked
dark and familiar on a spring day?

After two years of solitude focusing on my writing my shamanic work has led me out into the community again. I’ve really enjoyed guiding individuals and groups into the Otherworlds in one-to-one sessions and shamanic circles. Offering shamanic healings is magical work that fits perfectly with my calling as a nun of Annwn dedicated to Gwyn and makes my soul sing.

However, I’ve discovered that, as an autistic person and introvert who needs a set routine (my natural circadian rhythyms work best on 4.30am get-ups and 8.30am bed times) I can only cope with such intense interpersonal interaction in the daytime. I tried shifting my timings half an hour to 5am and 9pm to make it easier to attend and run groups in the evenings. Yet when I did, I found I was getting overstimulated, unable to sleep, then when I slept, waking up early with my mind whirring desperately trying to process the events. As a knock-on effect I was coming to dread late groups and that was causing additional sleep loss. Running a shamanic circle each month locked me into a monthly cycle of anxiety and sleep deprivation. Thus, although it was sad, it was also a relief when due to not having enough numbers to pay for the room, I was forced to close Penwortham Shamanic Circle.

As an alternative to evenings I thought about running weekend groups as I wanted to provide opportunities to practice shamanism to working people. As an experiment I tried attending a seasonal creative workshop on a Sunday but in spite of it being really thoughtfully put together and well run struggled with the shift in routine. It made me realise how much I need weekends after working with clients during the week. Once-upon-a-time my Saturday wind-down was drinking a bottle of wine and writing drunken poetry but more recently I’ve replaced that with playing the heartbeat of Annwn for Gwyn for an hour then entering deep relaxation through an hour of body scan meditation or Yoga Nidra. This provides me with a much-needed nervous system resest before I spend Sunday continuing to recharge by praying, meditating, cleaning and going for a local walk or a swim. Attending an event on a Sunday made me stressed all Saturday and unable to benefit from my wind-down then resentful on Sunday as I couldn’t have my alone time. This made me realise that weekends aren’t going to work for me either.

I’ve been trying to force myself to do things against need for solitude and routine for several reasons. One is that I have been trying to follow as role models shamanic practitioners who have succeeded in making a living from their work by running evening shamanic circles and weekend workshops. Another is, although I’m not naturally a community builder, I have mistakenly stepped into the role of attempting to build community in the hope this will establish a foundation for my one-to-one work. The last is financial insecurity – feeling that if I can provide more opportunities for more people I will be more likely to make a living from my shamanic services.

By trying to copy others I’ve not only gone against my own nature but forgotten there are other models available. In the Brythonic tradition the awenyddion ‘people inspired’ (our native soothsayers / spiritworkers / shamans) appear to be hermits, edge dwellers, who were occasionally consulted by the community for prophecies spoken through possession by spirits. One of my spirit guides, who I consider to be an ancestor of spirit, Orddu, lived alone in a cave in Pennant Gofid ‘the Valley of Grief’ in ‘the uplands of Hell’ and was referred to as a gwrach ‘witch’ likely on account of her practicing spiritwork / shamanism inspired by Gwyn and the spirits of Annwn. Myrddin Wyllt is another prophetic figure who lived a hermitic life as a wildman in the forest of Celyddion and only occasionally appeared to prophecy.

I have a print-out of the Hooded Man from the Wildwood Tarot on my wall to remind me to honour my need for solitude. He’s been absent from my tarot readings of late and it’s unsurprising he has reappeared at this point in time. I have taken this as a sign that I need to better balance my monastic need for solitude and routine with my outward-facing vocation of doing shamanic work.

To the Spirit of the Sanctuary

May 6, 2025May 2, 2025Leave a comment

A place of quiet beyond the row,
the heartbeat of Annwn
is Your only sound,
the occasional song rising
like heartbreak from the Deep.

To keep me safe Your invisible roses twine around.

Your forget-me-nots remind me
of the King of Annwn in the summer.

Into You I am gathered by the Gatherer of Souls.
In You, with my Beloved, I am at home.

In You I can heal and I can heal others too.
Into You I gather the lost pieces of our souls.

In You I am complete in every single moment.
In You I can breathe every single breath.
In You my heartbeat is at one
with the heartbeat of Annwn – the heart of my Lord.

So hold me here, until I die, my sacred home.

The Gift of Shamanism

April 16, 2025September 10, 20251 Comment

The gift of shamanism lies in each and every one of us. It’s a gift from the Gods, from the spirits, from the spirit world. Over the past six months I have been gifting my time and energy to help others access this magical gift.

As part of my training towards becoming a shamanic practitioner I offered a course of six one-to-one weekly ‘Introduction to Shamanism’ sessions to newcomers covering journeying safely in the Lower World, Upper World and Middle World and meeting animal spirit guides and spirit teachers. I also covered the basics of shamanic healing.

It’s been a gift for me to watch others grow from having little to no knowledge of shamanism and doubts about their ability to journey to making their first connections with their guides and beginning to explore the spirit world.

I have witnessed eight people begin to find their ways around the worlds and build relationships with their guides in ways that have been fun, loving and spine-tinglingly powerful. The process has been moving and surprising as I’ve come to see the spirit world in new ways through other people’s eyes and observed their tenacity and the ingenuity of the answers from their helpers.

Each six-week long journey has had its own magic and been healing in its own right. Each person has met guides in each the worlds and has the confidence and ability to journey alone and to access basic healing from the spirits.

Shamanism is our birth right and it has been near-lost to the British Isles since the coming of Christianity and its denegration of our native Gods and spirits as devils and more recently the hegemony of the reductivist worldview wherein spirits are not seen to exist, which has led to industrialism and capitalism.

It cheers me greatly that so many people in my local area from different walks of life are interested in shamanism and are claiming this innate gift back.

With my eight case studies complete I am offering my six week ‘Introduction to Shamanism’ at student rates (£15 per hour or £70 for six) HERE.

To read the testimonials from my volunteer clients click HERE.

The Heart Chakra

April 15, 2025April 15, 2025Leave a comment

The wings of my heart are beating
into the great unknown.
The voice of my Beloved
close yet distant calls me home.

I experience my heart as wayward and flighty like my white winged mare who resides in this chakra. But that’s a judgement of the brain.

I learn that it’s Western culture which has come to value the thoughts of the brain over the feelings of the heart. This is not how we’re biologically made to be. Stephen Buhner’s* research shows the sensory information received from our surroundings goes first to the heart and then to the brain which processes it and sends it back for the heart to analyse and make decisions on. Andreas Weber** notes there are more afferent nerves leading from the heart than to the brain than vice versa and the heart is the manager.

Buhner tells us the heart contains pace making cells which entrain together to form the heart’s beat. These create its electromagnetic field which is five thousand times stronger than the brain’s. The heart’s electromagnetic frequencies are experienced as feelings as emotions and they are constantly affected by our interactions with the world and others. The heart, Buhner states, ‘is an organ of perception.’

When did we start valuing the thoughts of our heads over the feelings of our hearts? I think of the Celtic tradition of head-hunting and suspect it began with the warrior cultures of the Bronze Age and Iron Age and their druidic elites. That it was at this time the belief was propagated that the soul resides in the head.

I think of the story in Culhwch and Olwen wherein Gwyn ap Nudd feeds the heart of Cyledyr to his father and suspect it reflects an older belief in hunter-gatherer societies wherein the soul was believed to reside in the heart.

And the landscape of my heart chakra is a an ancient oak wood, a temperate rain forest, where the people follow the ways not of the head but the heart.

One of my biggest lessons has been learning to trust my heart.

Several years ago I sacrificed my heart to Gwyn and it journeyed through fire and ice to be returned by Him to my chest in preparation for our sacred marriage.

Fire and ice. Hot and cold. Red and blue. The extremes of the heart. And still I suffer them with my rosacea (hot red face) and Raynaud’s (cold blue toes).

I recognise both are rooted in being trapped in a sympathetic nervous system response due to being an autistic introvert with anxiety living in a loud neurotypical social world. I learn to calm my nervous system with meditation – by tuning into my breath and the beat of my heart. I strive to align my heartbeat with Gwyn’s and find when I’m doing shamanic and meditative work with others I’m able to cohere with their hearts. My resting heart rate falls and my heart rate variability rises but I know (not only in my brain but in my heart) I won’t be able to fully unstick myself from being in fight or flight mode until I’m financially independent.

For now I follow the Monastery of Annwn’s Rule of the Heart, striving to trust my heart, to align it with Gwyn’s, to listen to its perceptions as His people once did.

Chakra: Heart / Location: Chest / Colour: Green / System: Circulatory / Gland: Thymus / Sense: Hearing / Realm: Relationships / Element: Air / Faculties: Emotions and feelings / Animal: Winged Horse

*In The Secret Teachings of Plants: The Intelligence of the Heart in the Direct Perception of Nature.
**In ‘Heart Wisdom: Exploring the Heart’s Role in Philosophy, Science and Mysticism’ https://advaya.life/

A Nun with a Drum – Contemplating being a Lay Monastic

March 25, 2025April 24, 2025Leave a comment

‘They strive to lead their lives in the world but not of the world’
~ Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart Los Angeles

When I took my monastic vows as a nun of Annwn in October 2022 I was leading a very solitary life centring on devotion to my Gods and on my writing. My only connections with the outside world were online – with fellow members of the Monastery of Annwn and with the Pagan and Polytheist blogosphere.

Things changed after I realised my book, The King of Annwn, wasn’t destined to be professionally published and I received the gnosis I must give my ambition to be a professional writer up for good.

In spring 2024 in a shamanic journey I was shown I must ‘re-root the monastery’. It took me a while to work out what that meant. I took it literally and tried returning to horticultural volunteering but ran into physical limitations with knee problems and Raynaud’s.

I also began training as a shamanic practitioner and have now realised that is where my true calling lies. Over the past six months I have been providing shamanic guidance and running shamanic circles in my local community and have recently begun to offer shamanic healings.

In some ways that I’m able to go out and work shamanically with individuals and groups of people has come as a surprise as I’m autistic and an introvert and usually find social interaction draining. In other ways it hasn’t because from the very first time I did a shamanic journey I felt a sense of potency and calling and a deep connection with the spirit world that I wanted to share.

Fifteen years since that first shamanic journey, following completing my apprenticeship to my patron God, Gwyn, a ruler of Annwn, the Brythonic Otherworld), I have finally proved ready to guide and heal others.

This has opened the possibility of leading a more outward-facing life than I guessed when I first took my vows. Of serving not only the Gods but other people.

For this I’ve looked for inspiration to other groups of monastics and have found my deepest sense of kinship with the Lay Carmelites. This an order of the Discalced Carmelites who were founded by St Teresa of Avila in 1562.

Their charism is contemplative prayer, community, and ministry. Their rule of life is characterised by six obligations: meditation, morning and evening prayer, mass, Mary, meetings, mission. (1)

These come very close to what included in the Monastery of Annwn nine vows: keeping morning and evening prayers to the Gods and Goddesses of Annwn, deepening our relationships with Them through prayer, meditation and trance, checking in and praying with other members, and building the monastery. (2)

I particularly like what the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart Los Angeles have to say about secular Carmelites being those who are called to ‘devotion to prayer’, ’an intimacy with Jesus Who dwells within the soul’, a ‘heart-to-heart encounter with God’ and cultivating a ‘friendship’, ‘a conversing’, a ‘listening to Him which becomes the normal way of life.’ (3)

This fits with my striving to make all my daily activities offerings to Gwyn with my shamanic work fitting so well with Him being a God of the Otherworld.

They also refer to Lay Carmelites being ‘In the world but not of the world.’ (4) That also fits with my life being centred around my Gods first and foremost rather than on money, career or social life, with my service to other people being one of the ways I serve my Gods.

I’m now two-and-half years into living by vows and am now contemplating the possibility that when I take my lifelong vows in autumn 2026 they might be as a lay nun as opposed to a nun who is leading a near-hermitic life.

“You’re a nun with a drum,” Gwyn told me when I asked if I could bring monasticism and shamanism together. His joking words now summarise my path.